ST NICKS ARE FOR KIDS

ST. NICKS ARE FOR KIDS

Roger A. Davis

T'was the night before Christmas
And Dad wasn't stirring in the house
He was passed out on the couch, soused

We kids can make a big fuss
Because Mom was sleeping like a log
She had way too much eggnog

Up from our beds we sprang
And 911 we rang
We heard a break-in, door banged

We crept to the stairway to take a peek
We were so scared our knees were weak
We saw what appeared to be St. Nick

But we were old enough to know it was a trick
Tim ran back to the phone and said, “There's a stranger
Come quick, we are in danger”

Red lights and sirens soon started to blare
I yelled down at the imposter, "You’d better beware"
He turned and looked up with a stare

Ought Oh, it was Uncle Frank
Everybody’s going to know our parents were tanked
And we will be thoroughly spanked

This story has a happy ending
Our punishment is still pending
Till our parents are released from jail
Hey, I'm just kidding, this is a made-up tale

REINDEER REJECT

REINDEER REJECT

Roger A. Davis

"Nose So Bright Guide My Sleigh Tonight"
This was Rudolph's Eskimo name
His work for Santa brought him much fame

But his second cousin, Andre, is a recluse
He couldn't handle the peer abuse
You see, he had an affliction, neon hooves

Andre tried to join their reindeer games
But Hide & Seek was a total wash out
Never allowed to wear the harness hames
So most days he just wore a pout

When Cousin Rudolph went on his rookie flight
Andre attended lift off but was very uptight
His hooves glowed green with envy

His feet were mood indicators, you see
Hay rations at the weekly poker game
Where he lost, being card playing lame

Then with Christmas two days away
They found Rudolph laying sick on the hay
He had a runny nose, a bad cold
No longer bright red, pale to be told

Weather forecast, an Arctic fog storm
Turning to a White Christmas at the Pole
Poor Santa Claus' nerves were taking a toll

Then Andre's only friend, an elf, called Leon
Remembering his buddy's hooves of neon
Suggested his pal to lead the Christmas Eve flight

Everyone had their doubts
His hooves were never particularly bright
And even less when he pouts

But the fog storm began to set in
Leon was summoned to go get his friend
Andre was gone, so he was not able to attend

A search party was sent out to look
They found him by a frozen brook
Asked what he was doing
He replied, "Just my normal holiday stewing"

Led back to the Workshop steps
By a contingent of toy building reps
He met Old Saint Nick
And Andre found out he was this year's pick

His feet began to glow a bright gold
And as the reality set in his mind
The brilliance of the light became ever so bold

So, this Christmas, if you’re feeling rejected
Remember those who are afflicted
Can become the most in favor
As with Andre and Jesus, Our Saviour

CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

Roger A. Davis

Honey, whose family will we be with this year?
And what delicious dishes will you bring?
I know wherever we go, we will sing
Rudolph, The Red-Nose Reindeer

After we grew up and had families of our own
We siblings and in-laws quit exchanging gifts
Instead, Crazy Santa is played; oh my, what rifts
What would Christmas be without some family tiffs

Rules: each brings a wrapped present, nothing sick
Numbers drawn to see who gets the first pick
The next can take someone's or choose another
Friction can start here between sister and brother

When the last has taken their turn
Numero Uno gets the final choice of all
Choosing the best gift while another gets burned
And feeling the rest of the day of being blackballed

We have this tradition on Christmas Day
"Christmas Gift", being the first to say
One year I hid in a ditch
Made a sign to give the pitch

When my sister and her family car approached
I sprang up and yelled, "Christmas Tree"
This brought about much holiday glee
Wrong words, bummer being self-coached

Mama Grace made our first hearth socks
My Mom has added new family members, that rocks
My wife's Mom does the stocking thing, too
This is a lot of work being we are no longer just a few

I have special memories of received surprises
Like a new bicycle and double holstered cap guns
Last year, the velour jogging suit from my son
Yet most of all Jesus, God's Son, The Holy One

After the Christmas meal is done
The giving and receiving of gifts is much fun
Seeing the little ones with glowing eyes so bright
Please God, this Christmas, may we reflect Your Light

SENSE OF HUMOR

SENSE OF HUMOR

Roger A. Davis

Is it in our genes or environmental?
Maybe there is a joke chromosome
My guess, hereditary plus humor at home

Papa Grace, at Sunday noon, tossed rolls
And when passing the butter
Twisted the dish trying to stick the unsuspecting other

Mama Grace always sat on Pop's left side
When an inappropriate story or act was broached
She kicked his shin, because the tablecloth, did hide

My thought is Papa Grace had a permanent bruise
Yet, he almost always had a mischievous grin
Much to my grandmother's chagrin

Don't take me wrong, in my youth I never heard him cuss
And on the farm, if you made a mistake, he didn't fuss
Once I ran into the combine reel, he only said, "Shawl"

Dad also enjoys hearing and telling humorous stories
Even does a practical joke that might be a little crude
Here is one episode that will lighten your mood

Mom and Dad went to grain industry conventions
On one trip, they bought rubber vomit, with these intentions
Individually bringing us from the basement to clean the mess

As my siblings fret and bent over, towel to press
Dad lifted it and tossed the vomit as a comet
Him and Mom laughing in jest

Then I was called last to the test
Claimed my dog, Judo, had done this gastric runny
I guess they forgot about my queasy tummy

When I was made to stoop and clean
The living room carpet had two puke puddles
One fake, one real; you’ve got to admit, that was a little mean

When we were young, Dad would lay on his back
And would give us rides using his hands and feet
Laughing memories of this are very sweet

But most all, he had this neat phrase he would say
Sometimes after he was too tired to continue to play
"Let me tell you about when I was a little girl"

This was followed by a humorous pearl
But just him speaking this line
Made everything seem just fine

I got my sense of humor from our family trees
My Mom laughs at her own jokes
And when I write, I get the Hee Hee Hee's

My greatest earthly treasure is truly this
Hearing Peggy laugh, it is pure bliss
When we're depressed, her chuckling removes what's amiss

Most of all, I give credit to Our Heavenly Father
For our ability to laugh and express glee
Because faith is needed to see this world as fun and Holy

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

Roger A. Davis

Happy New Year for upcoming 2007
I'm making one resolution, not 10 or 11
Because my past record of success
Is dismal, at best, I must confess

This year, no diet pledge plan
Or promised smoking ban
No exercise increase
Though I'm a candidate for "Rest In Peace"

This one resolution I choose
To read the Hardtner Community News
Everything to the last detail
This is my goal to do without fail

So please join me in this endeavor
The advertisers will think it clever
Repeat after me, please
"I will read with all sincerity this publication
And pay my subscription fees without hesitation"

Now don't let me down
This paper is great for area and town
But, if time is short, at least read my prose
Because I'm a glory hog, I suppose

THE COMFORT ZONE

THE COMFORT ZONE

Roger A. Davis

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children
Now, if we are children, then we are heirs—
Heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ
If indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.
ROMANS 8:16-17

It is not all pie in the sky, this spiritual journey we are upon
The joke goes, “You want the good news or bad news first?"
Good news is the Gospel of Jesus, life, death, resurrection
Bad news is good, too, we get to share a righteousness thirst!

What is this thirst? It is the Spirit making us desire the Will of God
What did Jesus suffer that we will share in? It was our sin
Jesus suffered in His body, the shortcomings of all who have ever lived
Going to the Cross of Calvary to take away all that would offend

So why do we then have to share in His suffering?

Praise be to God and Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort that we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 CORINTHIANS 1:3-7

Comfort for pain and sorrow for a hopeless tomorrow
Covering us in a quilt of compassion and care
Most people, not even aware of the sorrow that He shares
Snuggle and rest assured, Jesus will defeat all foe

Our inheritance is a lot more than this sometimes, earthly pain
All that we go through, our shortcomings and sufferings are for eternal gain
For our heritage is to be found in being a servant in His likeness
This is the greatest honor, to share and serve His Holiness

THE TWO LITTLE PIGS

THE TWO LITTLE PIGS

Roger A. Davis

Once upon a time, there were two little pigs
There were supposed to be three
But there was only Connie, Joy and the Wolf, me

I was six years old, the middle one
And we were playing and having so much fun
You know, with chairs and sheets

Their house was bedclothes not hay
But in pretend, I yelled and did say
"Come on out you two little turds or I will blow you away"

And what happened next I remember to this very day
I was sailing through the air, swoosh!
Next thing I knew, Dad was threatening to spank my tush

He asked where I had heard such a word
Scared and worried of my answer, I said, "school"
He said, "No using words like that; it's a household rule"

I was let go with just a rebuke for my word selection slip
And when I resumed my Big Bad Wolf role
I definitely kept to the "Pigs" not turds script

So when I huff and puff and threaten now days
I remember our interrupted imaginary storybook play
And try not to cuss a blue haze

CYBER SLAVE

CYBER SLAVE

Roger A. Davis

Are you one of those MSN Mouseketeers
Spending quality time chatting with your peers?
Maybe you are one those Yahoo.com comrades
Checking out online commercial ads

AOL has the Instant Messenger pigeon
Sending typed notes to a loved one or a friend
About current events and even religion
Just keyboard it up and hit send

Many of us, the daily PC users
Tend to be enslaved abusers
We are often hooked on a game site
Possibly playing most of the night

Then there is the Google search explorer
On his quest, he often ignores her
She complains that Sendy Cyber is his mistress' address
And that stupid mouse is the only thing that gets a caress

Is there a PC Anonymous for us, the addicted?
We had better not meet in a chat room for those afflicted
I did a search for such an organization
Didn't find any website with an online location

So I'll start one, email if you want to join me
Meetings will be anytime you boot up your PC
Download, a 3 hour operation muffler
This will be your overdose buffer

By the way, there is also an 18 hour delay
Before your screen will again display
I can't go on this is way, too scary
Forget this idea, please don't tarry

You are at my website reading my prose
An exhibition of my rhyme addiction
Using my trusty keyboard to compose
You know what? I like my PC affliction

CHRISTMAS MOUSE

CHRISTMAS MOUSE

Roger A. Davis

You know that poem, "Not a creature was stirring"
Well, the truth is, I lived in that house
I'm of the ancient Order of the Christmas Mouse
Our duties on this Eve are never stopped by our nemesis' purring

We were there at the First Nativity site
When The Star of Bethlehem was so bright
We aren't listed in the Who’s Who of the Manger
Yet the sheep and other animals knew we weren't a stranger

We witnessed our Lord's birth and those who came to pay respect
We were nestled down in the hay, where none could detect
And to this very day, though we are seldom seen, the poem is wrong
We are up all night after the carolers sing their last song

The Christmas Mouse must taste test St. Nick's cookies
And have a final meeting with the X'mas rookies
Where we instruct all the mice in Nativity arrangement
Also how to avoid a guard cat engagement

Then back to each house for a sip of milk condensation
Before Dad drinks the kid's Santa Claus libation
As He polishes off the cookie platter
Knowing soon we will hear the children's feet patter

In my house, Jesus is still mentioned in their holiday chatter
I enjoy their singing and holy laughter
There also is my present, crumbs after Christmas dinner
I'm so stuffed, like a bear getting ready for winter

Yet, in other homes, Christmas mice say
There's nothing pointing to Jesus being the reason for the season
Just a decorated tree and unwrapping presents day
For the Order of the Christmas Mouse, this brings about much dismay

So as a dutiful keeper of The Lord's Birthday
I wrote this poem to promote and honor the Creator's Son
Hoping you will join us in a Holy demonstration
Worshipping Jesus at the very least on Christmas Day

If you visit a live Nativity this year
Be on the look out for a Christmas Mouse
But please don't scream if we appear
We are like the angels, do not fear
Just remember we are all welcome in God's House

MAN VERSUS MACHINE

MAN VERSUS MACHINE

Roger A. Davis

I could write this poem about my mower horror
About the time my big toe was split by a rider, you did sit
Or being jousted by a hedge branch to the ground
When the clutch belt slipped on the first round

But this prose is about my Dad's duel
And when it came to machinery
He was nobody's fool

A grain elevator worker when we were very young
He worked up the ladder to be the top rung
He was also a TV repairman during this span
Plus his father's, when he could, ranch and farmhand

My digress is done about Dad's careers
On with the tale of his mower throes and fears
Dad, forgive my memory, it has been many years

It was one Saturday getting close to noontime
Mom had banned us from the house, no more cartoon crime
Dad was mowing our large back yard
He had asked us to pick up items of discard

We were too busy with childhood play
Until we heard mom say
"Lunch is ready, go and get your Father"

One or two of us went toward the mower's sound
Found Dad sprawled out the ground
He was under the clothesline pole, prone
Guess we thought he was napping, we left him alone

We went inside to eat chicken and corn-on-the-cob
We didn’t mention Dad was asleep on the job
Mom must have figured he wanted to finish the task
Well, I don' think she even asked

Later, when we were near our last bite
Dad entered kitchen, he was quite a sight
Grass clippings were dripping
And he was walking as if he had been tipping

To this day, he says, we left him for dead
Because eating was more important than him, instead
“Quit whining, it was one Saturday of your life, early to bed"

Well, I guess I was wrong about this muse, you see
Dad said he stopped and was playful roping me
His feet slipped out and he was knocked out cold
Yet the rest of story is right, he said, that I've retold

MY WIFE'S DAD

MY WIFE'S DAD

Roger A. Davis

This poem is about Carl, my father-in-law
He is a lot more to me than my wife's pa
When Jo and I started to date
He always treated me as first rate

As a teenager I often lacked common sense
But he used no Bunkerisms like meathead or dense
Here was a person courting his most prized possession
Carl looked past my weaknesses and showed no rejection

One incident was crushing the hood of his wheat truck
Forgetting to turn off the hydraulic lift because of a kiss snuck
Also getting stuck in their driveway during a snowstorm
My adolescent behavior was way out of the norm

Yet Carl walked the aisle and gave to me
His beautiful loving daughter, Peggy
It didn't stop there, no way
He has been a special person to this very day

Our mechanic and handyman for many a year
And for the rest of the family he holds so dear
We burned wood in three stoves in our abode
Carl supplied the split logs for us to load

Most every Sunday we were ask to their repast
As well as the other members of the family cast
Later, football game or other sports on TV
Or in the front yard playing catch with the Frisbee

Carl's homemade ice cream is an afternoon treat
And his cookies, the grandkids love to eat
Holiday baking is part of Shirley and his routine
His chocolate pretzels and party mix are very keen

Carl is a Seabee Vet of WW II
His stories of the Okinawa typhoon that blew
Card games and sending wages to parents
Are of my favorites of his memories of events

He has had a varied work related career
Driving big machinery and, on his farm, a John Deere
U.S. postal employee, owned and operated a gas station
Semi livestock hauler and land construction restoration

Carl is now eighty and past his prime
Yet to me he will always be that man
Who when asked, "Could you spare a dime?"
The answer is, "Yes, for my loved ones, anytime."