"TAKES A LICKING BUT KEEPS ON TICKING"

"TAKES A LICKING BUT KEEPS ON TICKING”

Roger A. Davis

TIMEX torture test
John Cameron Swayze at his best
"Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz"
Alka-Seltzer, early commercial whiz

"See the USA in Your Chevrolet"
GM gave Dinah many a good pay day
"Winston Tastes Good Like a Cigarette Should"
Was smoked in the Flintstones' neighborhood

"Double your pleasure, double your fun"
My, those twins sold a lot of Wrigley's gum
"It’s such a comfort to take the bus and leave the driving to us"
I once took a Greyhound bus, seat broke, D+

"You'll wonder where the yellow went
When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent"
"Be All You Can Be", U.S. Army
Yes people, you will go where you’re sent

"You can trust your car to the men who wear the star"
Mr. Goodwrench loses to Texaco by far
"Are you gellin?" I'm not tellin’
Dr Sholl's annoying jingle is a felon

"The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!"
Another ad to start to your day, Budweiser's "Whazzzup?"
They were created to sell their service or product
But the good ones are permanently stuck

So I have decided to share my real name with you
In a jingle I've written for this site, may it stick like glue
"My baloney has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R
My baloney has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R
I love to read it everyday, and if you ask me why I’ll say,
'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!"

(My apologies to Kraft Foods, I couldn't resist)

SUNDAY DRIVE

SUNDAY DRIVE

Roger A. Davis

It is a wonder I'm still alive
See, most Sundays we went for a drive
Destination, one of our parents’ folks
Crammed in our sedan, like six egg yolks

Imagine four youngsters, about 1 year apart
Battling for pecking order at every start
Dad threatening us all with bodily harm
But threats never worked the charm

Mom would get her two cents in, too
But us kids would continue to feud
One too many a, "Don’t touch me," episode
Until, stressed out, Dad would explode

He would not bring the car to a stop
Just reached over the seat, giving the nearest a pop
That would quiet us for a couple miles
But, inevitably, we kids would begin our wiles

There were two major distractions on our trips
First, three miles of steep hills and dips
Dad enjoyed making our stomachs do flips
Mom wondering if breakfast would pass our lips

Second, an old wooden bridge without rails
With each passage, it shook and loosed more nails
Upon this peril, my heart would race
Thinking, certain death I was about to face

Seeing our grandparents was fun on these treks
And we all survived, not having any car wrecks
Next story, The Million Dollar Highway Survivor
Or, Roger Davis: The Greatest Snow and Ice Driver

TOYFUL IMPRESSIONS

TOYFUL IMPRESSIONS

Roger A. Davis

SILLY PUTTY, soft XEROX
SLINKY, Jack outside the box
POGO STICK, bouncing stilt
LINCOLN LOGS, cabin built

BARBIE, closet queen
TONKA TRUCK, sandbox mean
YO-YO, gyroscope on a string
MARBLES, knock'em out of the ring

VIEW-MASTER, 3-D reels
FRISBEES, spinning wheels
PLAY-DOH, modeling clay
LEGO, "serious play"

TINKER TOYS, sticks on a spool
MR. POTATO HEAD by PLAYSKOOL
ANT FARM, insect pets
Beams, nuts bolts, ERECTOR SETS

NERF BALL, cushioned sphere
ETCH-A-SKETCH, shake disappear
FANNER FIFTY, cap pistol cocks
HULA HOOP, move hips and buttocks

PET ROCK, sit, stay, play dead
RADIO FLYER WAGON, color red
PAPER DOLLS by MCCALL
STICK HORSE, bedpost stall

We played and enjoyed them all
Also FOOT, BASE and BASKETBALL
From youth to old age it's best
To never close the TOY CHEST

COLONEL MUSTARD'S GAME CUPBOARD

COLONEL MUSTARD'S GAME CUPBOARD

Roger A. Davis

RISK, world domination
Good memory wins CONCENTRATION
And hand-eye coordination, OPERATION
TWISTER, people participation

My life has been in TRIVIAL PURSUIT
Of trying to win LIFE and MONOPOLY loot
Also got side tracked by a red ball and JACKS
And opened a lot of BICYCLE card packs

I love to say an insincere, "SORRY"
Or, in SCRABBLE, using triple score with a Z
Giving the queen of spades or taking all 26
Or gaining the black one in PICK-UP STICKS

There were a few games that I wasn't the best
CHESS, CANDYLAND and SOLARQUEST
My toughest opponent, SOLITAIRE
As a teenager did you play TRUTH OR DARE?

The truth, I've eaten much humble pie
From HI HO! CHERRY-O to UNO,
AUTHORS, CHINESE CHECKERS and GO
And most, flips of a coin, if there was a tie

PERUDO and YAHTZEE, throw dice with cups
Dang timer in PICTIONARY that interrupts
FICTIONARY, a definition word contest
MUSICAL CHAIRS, social unrest

It used to be you needed two, three or four
But with online games, you don’t even keep score
Can't fudge points or change a rule
And they can't see my victory dance that's so cool

Some games taught us reading and arithmetic
Geography, the game, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
Yet, what I learned most all
It is really super when thousands of DOMINOS fall

Seriously, spending time with friends and family
Bonding and bantering over a game, like TRIPOLEY
Knowing competition and winning is secondary
LOL, if you really know me, you will be wary !

WORD PERUSE MASSEUR

WORD PERUSE MASSEUR

Roger A. Davis

Gentle, in-depth kneading of the frontal lobe
Exploring the psyche with a language probe
This is the goal of our poetry
To make you laugh, relax and set you free

It is done by words stimulating good memories
Example; 41 no more pimples
Or, she’s got 4 cheeks with dimples
Thanks, no applause please

It can be compared to a song that has soul
Like HOT ROD LINCOLN
The first of Rock & Roll
And old Charlie Ryan is still kickin’

Now, this session has been rather quick
Actually, punctuation leaves no needle marks
But my acupuncture verse, small pin pricks
Oh, by the way, no charge for this lark

From the top of your head
To the bottom of your toes
A mental massage we compose
Hope you enjoy Eden Prairie Prose

BOOK NOOK

BOOK NOOK

Roger A. Davis

Curl up with a good book
Enjoy a quiet night at home
Plus hot chocolate with whip cream foam
Better lock the doors if it is a Robin Cook

English country vet, James Herriot
ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL
LORD GOD MADE THEM ALL
A must read if you have a pet

James A. Michener, the epic saga king
TEXAS, CENTENNIAL, CHESAPEAKE
Treasures for the historical geek
SPACE, POLAND, I should know, it's my thing

John Grisham, Best Seller Champion
RAINMAKER, a good doctor's office companion
THE FIRM, THE PELICAN BRIEF
SKIPPING CHRISTMAS, a comic relief

Dick Francis, horse racing genre
Let us give him a leg up hurrah
LONGSHOT, PROOF and DEAD CERT
The protagonist is always getting hurt

BENDIGO SHAFTER and JUBAL SACKETT
Western lore in a dust jacket
Louis L'Amour's LAST OF THE BREED
HONDO and FLINT, very good indeed

Dirk Pitt, hero in many of Clive Cussler tales
INCA GOLD, TREASURE, oceans and sails
CYCLOPS, SAHARA and SHOCK WAVE
Underwater sea adventures I crave

So turn off the DVD, TV and PC
Walk or drive to your local library
Choose a romance novel or a classic
Open the spine, bon appetit, so to speak

MY LIFE HAS GONE TO THE DOGS

MY LIFE HAS GONE TO THE DOGS

Roger A. Davis

Let me start by saying I don't begrudge my vet
But I'm nearly broke and he has joined the jet set
Yet, when Jake got sprayed by a skunk
The veterinarian clinic got rid of what stunk

Let me clarify, we kept our black Pug, Jake
Those baths made him soft and smelling good
He was our baby and precious keepsake
And with our 9 cats, he ruled the neighborhood

Jake had this particular weird quirk
He would make a very fast circular run
Stop and give a foolish smirk
And do it again just for fun

Judo, the German Shepherd, my best boyhood friend
And you better believe it, a real Rin Tin Tin
He was a highly trained Air Force dog reject
But in my town, Judo was No.1 in respect

When we bought and brought him home
There was an incident involving torn upholstery and foam
A neighbor dog incited him at the corner of our street
Judo vs. Dad's new station wagon, it went down in defeat

He was taught to put out a newspaper on fire
Judo would roll over it until it would expire
I have so many fond memories of my best pal
Yet, as with all pets, in the end, I needed a crying towel

Chumley was our first pet after our marriage
An Old English Sheepdog with a stately carriage
And a beautiful bushy coat requiring much care
After a number years, we shaved his hair

You see, Chumley loved to swim and dive
He retrieved mostly rocks, nothing alive
I was his designated buoy between descents
Up from the deep he would bring his presents

Chumley would get all nervous and uptight
If we raised our voices and had a fight
He was a live-in marriage referee
If we had a disagreement, we talked normally

So how do I wrap this up?
A sad stanza about Judo II, the pup
No, I'll close on an upbeat thought
Always think as if you were the one that was bought

CORNUCOPIA OF CORNY

CORNUCOPIA OF CORNY

Roger A. Davis

Do you find my poems mawkish?
It could be I'm too Jayhawkish
Do you cry over Hallmark commercials
Or American troop dispersals?

Most of them are my remembrances
I'm not so good with current events
AC/DC, 220,223
Family occurrences is my specialty

I've read the tale, Jonah in the belly of a whale
No digestion, just Divine indigestion
Many hold God in question
Sunrise, sunset, The Lord's daily suggestion

Went to college, got my sociology degree
Paid for books and, each semester, a tuition fee
My education left me well rounded
Yet, life still leaves me a little confounded

Sometimes it seems dysfunctional is supreme
And peace and happiness, a dream
Dumb and Dumber, co-captains of our team
Do you think it's all right to scream?

But I know in the end, we will be redeemed
See, I usually guess the end of a story
Because history is His Story
It's part of being changed from Glory to Glory

Do not be afraid of being corny
Yes, life can be thorny
Exercise prayer and a good sense of humor
This will keep you from a doomsday tumor

LET US PLAY L B J

LET US PLAY L B J
Dedicated to Jay Marvin Martin

Roger A. Davis

Picture this, early 1950s in a small Kansas town
Population 600 plus, there around
We, a family of six
Dad, Mom, me, Connie, Joy and Rick

My Dad and his dad built us a new house
On the outskirts of Attica, near the city park
Three bedrooms, full basement and drive through carport
A covered cement patio in back
Viewed by multi-paned picture window

Cater-corner from us was a decaying old farm
That would have caused much property value harm
It use to be inhabited by a very large family
Now, only left with son, Jay, mom, Bessy and father, Andy

Jay was one year older than me
He was two years older than my sister, Joy at three
The first neighborhood incident was him and her
Painting the lower panes of our new picture window, pink

Upon my father's discovery, his shade went fiery red
Joy got spanked and the riot act read
Dad carried Jay to his home
And he told Andy to use their woodshed

Jay and I became friends, playing every day
From early morning until after dark
You see, he had a unique ability
When we played cowboys and Indians
Cops and robbers or army
Upon being shot, no stuntman ever did a better drop

From the chicken house roof he would topple
Or wounded, riding an imaginary horse
He would hit the ground with great g-force
To utter delight, it made my dead-eye aim unstoppable

Jay had a nickname at an early age
Because he was the last of Bessy's fold
She would call out at bed and mealtimes
"Come home, Little Baby Jay"

And if he did not respond and continued to stray
"Little Baby Jay," Bessy would continue to bay
It would be repeated until we stopped our play
Her voice still resounds in my ears today

Marbles and poker, two games we played for keeps
But Jay, being poor, did not have many resources
I devised a way that he could ante and bet
We played for personal property, TREES

Jay was held back in school two grades
I had him one year and then he was in Joy's class
After that, they just let him pass
Destined for vocational trades

The rest of the story is about those trees
I owned all of his - Roger, a poker prodigy?
No, the truth is I took advantage of Jay's slowness
To add to my boyhood empire, you see

It was getting close to noon at the LBJ corral
We had a childish argument and Jay is fighting mad
He yells at me to split and go to my own pad
I walk over to a tree and reply, "I own this, pal"

He disappears into the rundown barn
Out he comes carrying a pitchfork
Threatening bodily harm
I'm pressed up to the bark, not really alarmed

He screams and lets it go
Thank God, it was a wobbly missed throw
I chased LBJ into the ditch and made him cry
Jay had another gifted trait, telling Bessy a lie

So it was not long after, Bessy called my Mom
Summoned from the basement, upstairs I went
The story was irreparably bent
I had become the bad guy, LBJ had done a spin

I had to go cut an oak switch
I still cannot believe I got whipped
Pitched fork versus the lying and crying snitch
The scales of childhood justice had been tipped

The moral of this story is boys love their toys
If you have guns that never miss
And a friend that is an Oscar dying actor
To be unforgiving is never a factor

MENU MANIFEST

MENU MANIFEST

Roger A. Davis

Chili con queso with crispy flour chips
Lay's potato chips and french onion dip
Sautéed mushrooms and medium-well K.C. strip
McDonald's french fries smothered in ketchup

Crushed ice with Coke or Pepsi
Hot fudge shake or sweetened ice tea
Grape slush or cherry limeade
Peach cobbler and ice cream, homemade

Most of my favorites are listed here
My mom's fried chicken, I hold very dear
Her chocolate chip cookies are the tops
Let’s not forget her rice and pork chops

A juicy double hamburger with cheese
Onions, mayo, catsup, hold the lettuce, please
Fried fish, shrimp cocktail, most seafood
Lobster and crab legs, this would include

Steak fajitas with guacamole and sour cream
Pizza Hut, thick crust supreme
Did I mention my wife's baked beans?
Her enchiladas and lasagna, best by all means

You probably haven’t finished this piece of prose
Because of the saliva and hunger throes
Welcome back from your food search
Hey, no problem leaving me in the lurch

Because, while you were gone, I thought of more
Ribs, brisket, pulled pork, and a campfire smores
Scalloped corn and hamburger tater tot casserole
Strawberry preserves on Pillsbury crescent roll

Doughboy died of tummy touching and yeast infection
Hot dogs are made of chicken lips and other rejection
Please remember this, escargot is not fast food
Sure hope these last lines didn't spoil the mood

Dedicated to T. O. P. S., Weight Watchers,
NutriSystem and Jenny Craig
Having fun pulling your drumstick leg