BED & BATHROOM: FOR SALE

BED & BATHROOM: FOR SALE

Roger A. Davis

Had this idea for emptying my retirement account
A savvy business idea to increase the amount
A Bed & Bathroom, a weekend getaway
This was going to be my big payday

Spent most of the money on renovation
The rest on advertising our location
Four rooms with unique themes
The lavatories of your dreams

Library bathroom has Reader's Digest Condensed
Longer version might cause the colon to tense
Copies of national and the local wipe
And fold down table to use your laptop to type

Next was what we called Nature's Show
Off the double cots area, a tree with patio
A place to go outside and pee pee
In winter, make yellow snow with wee wee

Number 3 was called the Locker Room
Two showers, urinals, stools and mirrors to groom
Rubdown tables for massage and sleep
Your back will need the therapy; it is extra, not cheap

Lastly, our hoped for drawing card
The historic, Outhouse in the Backyard
A shack with sawdust mattress with slats of lumber
A romantic two-holer, plus old fashion slumber

On every pillow an unmarked chocolate Ex-Lax
Thinking a nice touch, to optimize their room tax
Our intention, guests will get ultimate facility use
The lawsuits charged: Criminal Bathroom Abuse

We’re putting it on the auction block
Plus all the items of the gift shop stock
Grosses of toilet paper, hope we get some bids
And twelve coin laminated stool lids

So now every time I hear a stool flush
My cheeks get this embarrassed blush
Wife says I should join a septic think tank
Public restrooms to clean, "Judge, it wasn't a prank"