DIY

DIY

Roger A. Davis

I'm not a do-it-yourself type guy
But I've been known to try
Tried to replace washer on faucet
Down the drain, lost it

Gray tape and Red Green
He can fix anything
I struggle to tear a strip
Usually get a lengthwise rip

Using tools, I must be a magician
They disappear is my suspicion
An outlined pegboard tool bench
And can't find a single wrench

I watched Home Improvement on TV
Al Borland, I longed to be
But was destined to share Tim's throne
Both of us are accident-prone

Took many an ER trip
One injury left me 60% a crip
Had carpal tunnel in each arm
Fell eleven feet, almost bought the farm

My honey-do list has items few
My wife usually calls our nephew
I take out the trash and do dishes
Grudgingly doing whatever she wishes

Her vision of my skills as a handyman
Are clouded by my burn ban
You see, a few fires went haywire
But it wasn't like anyone's funeral pyre

Books, plans and projects of do-it-yourself
Set atop my store bought bookshelf
I even have one DVD
Called, “How To Carve A Turkey”

Just between you and me, okay
Being all thumbs does pay
I can watch This Old House and Norm
And have no domestic storm