INPATIENT OR OUT

INPATIENT OR OUT

Roger A. Davis

At admission desk, wait your turn
Doesn’t matter if you have a third degree burn
Unless you come to the ambulance bay
Then, room 1 thru 4 is where you stay

Nurse gets a history and places a band on your hand
Most times, they ask you to undress; this causes me much distress
Because of my size, I need two gowns - one for each arm
Or any hallway movement sets off the bare buttocks alarm

They hook you to an automatic blood pressure machine
Then these words are spoken, "You will soon be seen"
As you wait, the cuff kicks in really tight
It’s so painful; I wish I had a tongue suppressor or bullet to bite

Is it a test to weed out hypochondriacs, I begin to believe?
Then it stops and I’m so relieved
If a nurse was here after the seventh time
I would falsely confess to the crime

But, since I haven't seen a soul dressed in white or green
I shout out, demanding to be seen
I’ve always been an impatient patient due to medical costs
When the curtain opens, I ask, "Did the doctor get lost?"

"No, but he has ordered blood to be drawn"
I came in at 2:45 AM; get the vampires, it’s almost dawn
Five pokes by three techs is my record sample
My lucky day - one needle was ample

To make a long story shorter at the E.R.
When the doctor showed up, I felt like asking him if he made par
Five minutes, not a second more or less
Diagnosis: Infected leg abscess

Antibiotics prescribed for a three week duration
Another big chunk of change for his next vacation
Now don't get me wrong, healing arts are needed
But "soon" and "just a minute" should be banned from their vocabulary, unless heeded